Confession

Before you begin reading this, please know that I am mostly just sorting through some thoughts right now. I'm not asking for advice or asking for help. Thanks! :)

I honestly and truly think I have to have two of the best baby girls in the whole wide world. They are usually pretty quiet. They do like to lie around unswaddled and just talk to whoever will listen, they are pretty good at nursing (I've recently read a few blogs of twin moms who have had a really hard time nursing their babies...mine have always nursed at the same time and done really well.) they like to cuddle, they don't mind being put down and they are currently sleeping from about 11:00 pm to about 4:30 am...except when they don't. 

I get so frustrated on the nights that they don't sleep well. Which is SO unfair of me. It only happens a handful of nights. The majority of the time they sleep through the night. They always have a hard time going back to sleep after they eat at 4:30, but normally to put them down after they eat at 10:30 is not a problem. So why, on the occasional night that they just don't want to sleep, do I let myself get so frustrated with them!?

First of all, they are only 6 weeks old. I should be thanking my lucky stars that they are sleeping so well at all. Secondly, what makes it so different for them to not sleep well during the day vs. not sleeping well at night. Why can I hold them and rock them so patiently during the day, but if they don't sleep at night, I get frustrated!? Plus, how can I get frustrated with a 6 week old baby that my husband and I tried so long and prayed so hard for?

I get so mad at myself when all is said and done. I feel like a terrible mother, and I know I'm not a terrible mother, but I feel like it's so unfair of me to even let myself get even the  slightest bit irritable toward my babies. 

I was reading a blog today, and the author of the blog wrote that it is frustrating to rock your babies and try for hours upon hours to get them to sleep, but once the sun comes up it's a whole different story. It's like there is a switch that flips between day and night and for some reason it's so easy to be ornery at night.
Is it because my body knows I should be sleeping?
Is it because I know my girls are capable of sleeping at night?
Maybe it's because without all the daytime distractions, 5 minutes feels like 15 minutes in the middle of the night...
I have no idea, but I really don't like it.

I feel even worse that sometimes I just have to make Matthew take the girls for a while. He works all day, lately he has been doing all the grocery shopping and running errands, and taking care of dinner, and I make him get up at night to help me with the babies. I feel so bad! I know I can't do it all on my own, but I do feel like I should or could maybe try a little harder sometimes. He does so much for us, the least I could do is let him sleep through the night.

I love my family so much. I am so thankful for my husband and daughters. I really hope to not let my tiredness get the best of me. I just want to do what's rightly them, and I hope I can be more patient, and remember to count my blessings. 

What I really need to do is first of all, like I said, count my blessings. Also, I know I need to cherish the time that I have with my newborn babies because I can see them becoming less and less "newborn" every day. I need to enjoy the time that I get to cuddle with my sweet babies, day or night, because let's face it, I pretty much feel tired day or night anyway! I don't want to, nor do I wish this time would go faster. I do look forward to certain things when the girls are older, but I'm really in no hurry to get to that point. Bottom line is, I just wish I could be more patient. I know that every mom gets frustrated, but there is no need for me to get frustrated at someone...maybe just at the situation. Hopefully I can work on this. I guess I just need to continue to take it one day at a time.

Month 1

I cannot believe that my girls are already a month old!

It has been a really fast month!

They are doing so great. I kind of wish that we had a one month doctor's appointment just so I know for sure how they are growing and what their weights are, etc.

They seem to be doing really well.

Sometimes, when I am feeding them in the middle of the night I really have to pay attention to figure out who is who. They are getting harder to tell apart. Maybe it's a good thing Lyla is smaller than Alya...it helps at night! They are finally starting to get some meat on their bones. Look at their little pudgy legs! (I know they aren't really pudgy, but compared to what they were a month ago, I'd say they are looking rather meaty!)

Mo is so good with them. When we brought them home, and had them laying in their crib - which is at the foot of our bed - he would just up on our bed and look into the crib to check on them. Now, when the babies are laying on my bed napping and I am in the kitchen or some other room, Mo stays really close to the room that the babies are in. He gets really concerned when they start to cry, and always puts his nose on Matthew when they start to cry at night. It's like he really needs us to know that the babies need us.

Lyla is pretty sassy. She is so impatient! She is usually the one to wake up hungry, but if I have to wake her up, it doesn't take her long before she starts yelling at me. She is still my little runt - if she stays smaller than Alya, I don't think she'll have any problem holding her own! She has a tiny birthmark on the small of her back. She does enjoy her bath times, but she hates getting dressed and undressed. At three weeks, she was sleeping for a 4 hour stretch at night, and now at 4 weeks she is sleeping for a 5 hours stretch.  Usually I can put her in her crib still awake, and it's not too hard for her to fall asleep. I think she'd prefer to be laid down already asleep, so we don't always get so lucky. She loves her binky - but it always falls out of her mouth within 10 minutes...and then she gets really mad and impatient. I try really hard not to give one to her at night. I can either hold her when she is fussy at night, or keep giving her binky back to her every time it falls out of her mouth. Either way, I'm up most of the night. (It's a fairly rare occasion that she doesn't sleep that well at night, though - so I guess I can't complain.) Everytime she sneezes, it's at least 3 sneezes. Sometimes or sneezes fake her out and it's the cutest sound I've ever heard. She also likes to talk a lot! She sounds like the little squirrel on "Sword and the Stone" when she's crying because Arther is turned back into a boy. She LOVES to cuddle. I like to unwrap her and lay her on my chest... and I think it's her favorite way to be held, too. She likes to stay curled up...I don't think she likes to stretch out too much. She would prefer to be swaddled. She likes to hold her head up and look around. She doesn't have the best control over her head yet, but she's working on it. She is becoming more and more alert, but I think she gets bored easily. She is focusing on me and Matthew more, and she is starting to notice Mo. I think she will be a pretty responsible little kid. I am so excited to keep watching her and getting to know her. She is amazing!

Alya is pretty easy going. She is starting to get more vocal. If she wakes up hungry, she makes sure I know she's hungry. She's more patient with me, though. She has a small birthmark on her upper lip, and I think it's SO cute! I think that she LOVES her baths. She doesn't mind so much getting dress and undressed...most of the time. I think she prefers to be naked. At 3 weeks she was sleeping for four hours at night...and I think she could have slept longer, but I wouldn't let her. Now at 4 weeks she is sleeping 5 hours at night. 98% of the time, I can lay her in her crib awake and she will put herself to sleep. She is also a binky baby...not as much as Lyla...but she does like her binky. Most of her sneezes are at least two sneezes, too. Alya is really quiet. She is so content all the time. If I put her in her bouncy seat, she is good to just sit and watch whatever I'm doing. It takes her a while to get bored. She has kind of a scratchy little voice, though...much different than Lyla's impatient high pitched scream. She likes to lounge. I frequently unwrap her and find her all stretched out...it looks like she's just chillin'. It's pretty cute. I think she would prefer to be un-swaddled, but she doesn't sleep well unless she is swaddled. She likes to escape out of her little mittens and socks. She would much rather have her hands uncovered...and she has the scratches on her face to prove it. She can also hold her head up enough to look around for a minute, and she is REALLY alert. Like Lyla, she is starting to pay more attention to me and Matthew and Mo. I am also so excited to continue getting to know her and learning her personality. I still can't decide what she will be like. Will she be a trouble maker, responsible but laid back...? I don't know. I have a feeling she's going to give me a run for my money, though!

I love these girls so much! They are just awesome! I cannot imagine my life without them! I am so happy to be a mom, and I hope that I do the best I can for them. They are so easy to love and they deserve the best! I hope that I can be patient in trying times, and that I can be fair always. I hope that they don't ever feel like I am favoring one over the other, and I hope that I can treat them as individuals. I hope they always know how much I love them!



36 Weeks

In my last post, I mentioned that maybe for my 36 week picture, I'd actually have babies...

 

 

 Well, I was right!

 

It was kind of funny, because the night before my water broke, I was wondering what it felt like to have your water break...I got online and read other people's experiences.

 

So on September 16, I woke up at 1:00 for one of my many potty breaks, and my water broke. I woke up Matthew, and told him I thought my water just broke. He laid there for a minute while he was waking up and said, "What do you need me to do?" I asked him to grab me a towel (which are in our bedroom closet) and he got up and went out into the hall, stopped with his hands out to his side, looked around for a second and then realized where he needed to go and what he was doing. He got all of our stuff together, and we went to the hospital here in Sanpete. My doctor decided to have me transferred up to Utah County since I was only 35 weeks pregnant. It was a little too early to deliver them in Sanpete because of the possibility of them needing the NICU.

Before we even left Sanpete, they could feel "Baby A's" head, so it was kind of a big rush to get me up north. I got in the ambulance, and Matthew drove our car up separately, which may have been a good thing because then I was able to focus on whether or not he was going to make it to the hospital before the babies were born, since I had no idea where he was, and he had my cell phone. It could have been bad, because we went through Nephi and Matthew went through Fairview. If the babies decided to come faster than planned, we would have stopped at the Nephi hospital or the Payson hospital. Luckily we made it to Utah County! It was a little stressful, though. While I was in the ambulance, they nurse checked me and said that I was dilated to a 9. The nurses were all putting on their gloves and getting ready to deliver my babies in the ambulance. I got pretty nervous. We got into the hospital around 4:00, I think. The nurses checked me again. Turns out I was only at a 5. At this point, I thought I was going to be able to have the babies without an epidural. And when they told me I was at a 9 in the ambulance, I thought it was going to be a piece of cake. Don't get me wrong, I was in quite a bit of pain, but it wasn't TOO bad. When I found out that I was only at a 5, I definitely wanted the epidural! :) The doctor that was on call that night was really funny. He was taking some of my background information...there is the question about whether I smoke, drink, do drugs, curse. Haha, he was really funny and made it easy for me to like him. I got the epidural, and it was amazing. My contractions never peaked too high, so that is good. But I'm glad that I didn't feel them! Plus the actual giving birth part may not have been too pleasant or as easy as it was. Anyway, the time finally came for Matthew to "gown up," I did 3 practice pushes in my room and they took us into the operating room just in case I was going to need a C-section. Lyla Marie was born at 9:39 and weighed 5 lbs 13 oz and 18 1/2 inches long. Four minutes later, at 9:43 Alya Linda was born weighing in at 6 lbs 3 oz and 19 inches long. It was so amazing! And thanks to my epidural, I was able to feel everything, but nothing hurt. Once Lyla was born, they took her back into another little room next to the operating room to weigh her and make sure she was okay, so I only got to see her for a second before they took her away. Then, the same thing happened with Alya. While the doctor was finishing up with me, Matthew came in holding both of our beautiful baby girls in his arms. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen! They let us take pictures with them and then they took them down to the nursery. I am SO thankful that they didn't have to spend any time in the NICU. My little Lyla was a little beat up. She was obviously in the birth canal for a long time (like I said, they could feel her head before we even left the hospital in Sanpete) so needless to say she was a little squished. One of her ears was embedded in the side of her head, and she had some fluid in her lungs. But they fixed that, and she is as good as new.

 

 

 

I consider Lyla to be my little runt. I know she is the big sister, but we keep calling her the little sister! She is starting to fill out, though. At their two week appointment, Lyla weighed 6.0 and Alya weighed 6.8. Lyla is in the 23% for weight and the 64% for length. Alya is in the 25% for weight and the 64% for length.

They are seriously amazing. I love these two girls SO much! They are seriously life changing. It's amazing how much I love them and worry about them. There are so many things that can go wrong. Are they getting enough to eat, are they eating too much!? Am I giving them tummy aches? Are they warm enough? (They were born without the fat that newborns burn when they get cold so we have to keep them extra bundled). Are they too warm? I don't even know. I feel like a million questions run through my head every day. I spend way too much time on the internet trying to have my questions answered.

 

I took them to have their newborn pictures taken. I'm not going to lie, the photographer was kind of disappointing. She did a great job on the pictures that she got, but we were there for 5 hours and only got 5 pictures. We got to her house and she had a GIANT dog running around. Her GIANT cat was wondering around, her birds were always making noise in the background, and the chickens and ducks in the backyard were a little weird. There was a lot more that I wanted as far as pictures go, but we just didn't get it. I really do appreciate her patience with them. It's really hard to pose two babies who didn't stay asleep the whole time! She waited so patiently for them. I just think she could have utilized help. I was there, my mom was there and she had a daughter helping her. We all could have held a body part and then counted to 3 and everyone let go so she could get a shot. Instead she tried to do it all herself. She didn't have her camera ready a lot of the time, and had to search for it a couple of times, and then she had to re-pose the babies because she wasted so much time finding her camera. I feel like she charged me too much to get 5 pictures. Like I said, I am really happy with the pictures, but I wanted some other stuff. I wanted some individuals of the girls and we didn't get anything like that. She did get their little feet, which I really wanted, but I wanted more details - which babies don't really have to be posed to get a profile picture...I don't know. I wish it had gone differently, but what are ya gonna do!? Now I know for next time.

 

 

I can't believe the girls will be a month old in ONE WEEK! It has gone so fast!

I am so excited to watch them learn and grow, but I am a little sad at the same time. My babies are SO tiny and I kind of want them to stay that way. I'm sad that they have to grow up.

Matthew is so cute with them, too. I love watching him hold them and kiss them. He is so tender with them. He put a funny picture in my head last night...how funny/cute it would be if they could walk right now. These tiny bodies walking around! Haha! He is too funny.

 

I am so thankful for these little girls. I really hope that I can be a great mom for them, and that I can make the best decisions for them. I am so thankful that everything with their delivery went so well, and that they are both so healthy. I am so grateful that they didn't have to spend any time in the NICU and that they got to come home from the hospital with us. I am so grateful that they are healthy and gaining weight and getting bigger...although I do wish they'd stay small a little longer. :) I love them so much and I just want the best for them!

All About the Babies

I know it's been a while since I've posted...sorry about that!

The babies are doing so good! I am now at 35 weeks and 3 days...my doctor thinks I might make it to 37 weeks. So I guess we'll see!

My mom and aunt were thinking I would have the girls this weekend or early next week...I guess the weekend is far from over, so they could still be right.

 

Baby B at 32 weeks 5 days.
Baby A wouldn't really let us get a good picture of her.

Here is Baby A at 35 weeks



I thought maybe I'd label it for you to see if you could find
her a little better...

At 32 weeks 5 days, Baby A weighed 5 lbs 1 oz and Baby B weighed 4 lbs 12 oz! I can't believe how big they were then! I can't even imagine what they are weighing now at 35 weeks! Actually, I think I can...my belly is feeling PRETTY heavy!

 

We got the crib set up!
(And by we, I mean Matthew)

I'm standing in front of their dresser...
All their clothes are washed and put away!

I am so excited for these little girls to get here! I CANNOT WAIT to meet them!

I will try to continue to be patient, though! I know that the longer they can "cook" the better...but I have never been really good at being patient! :)

 

Aunt Patty did a little photo shoot with Matthew and me (and the girls) this week!

I am really happy with a lot of the pictures! I can't wait to get my girls' room decorated!

 

 

I'll try to be better about posting...

Who knows; maybe by 36 weeks I'll have pictures of the actual babies!!!



...so many things...

Apparently quite a bit has happened in the last couple of weeks! For some of those things, I don't have pictures...sorry! I'm not even sure where to start! We had a Sorenson family reunion a couple of weekends ago. We went to a park near Cherry Hill and pretty much just got to relax for a couple of days. It was really nice to see so many people from Matthew's family. Matthew and I forgot to take a 30 week "belly picture" but I think Matthew's mom has one from the family reunion that she is going to send me, so I will try to add it after I get it. I will for sure at least put it in the baby book!

 

Something a little out of the ordinary happened last week...

 

 

What is that...you ask?

 

 

BEES!!!

We got home from work one day and our neighbor told us that their grandkids found a swarm of bees in our maple tree. It was so crazy! I know Matthew got a video of them, but I couldn't find it. I swear there must have been thousands of bees, though! It was so crazy!

When I got home for lunch the next day, the bees were gone!

I really don't understand what happened, or why they were there, but it was one of the craziest things I've ever seen.

 

Next - update on the babies! They were a huge hit at the family reunion! I went in at 30 weeks for an ultrasound. Matthew actually got to come with me. Usually I sit for 10 minutes tops in the waiting room and then 10 minutes tops in the examination room. When we do the ultrasound usually we get to see some really cute hands and feet and faces. This time...the only time Matthew was able to come with me...we sat in the waiting room for a really long time. We sat in the examination room for even longer. We had an ultrasound and although seeing their heartbeats was really cool, we didn't even get to see hands or feet or faces or anything. I was so disappointed that Matthew didn't get to see all those fun things. And I felt bad because what normally takes 30 minutes took an hour and a half and Matthew was waiting to get back to work. It was a little sad. But the babies are looking really healthy and I am also doing pretty good. My blood pressure has been really good, so that's a plus!

 

 

I feel so great! I love feeling the babies move. It is starting to get a lot easier for Matthew to see them moving, which I love! I had a baby shower with Matthew's family last weekend and after everyone left, just his mom and dad and sisters (and me and Matthew) were just sitting there talking. One of the babies starting doing some kind of acrobatics and everyone in the room got to see her (or them, maybe) moving. It was pretty awesome!

They got pretty spoiled at the baby shower, too. They got a TON of clothes!! They are going to be some of the best dressed babies around!

I have another ultrasound with my doctor in Sanpete on Thursday and then I have another one up north on Monday. I'm really excited to see how they are doing and how much they weigh now!

 

I am also pretty excited about this sheet that I made for one of my cribs! It should have been such an easy project...but there was a lot of drama. I just kept making such stupid mistakes!!! It was so frustrating. I first cut the pattern out wrong, so maybe I should have stopped there, but I didn't. I just kept doing stupid little things. But it turned out alright! And the next one will be so much better!

Oddly enough I am actually excited to try to make another one. I think it will go much smoother...more smoothly? I don't know. Hopefully it goes better!

 

Lastly, I wanted to show off one of the things that Matthew has worked so hard on this summer!

I know I posted the planter boxes that he made, so I figured I would show off some of the plants we've got growing! We've got corn, peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, peas, beans, potatoes, squash, cantaloupe, gourds, pumpkins...I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting...

 

 

 

 



 

 

Well, until next time! I'll let you know how the babies are after I get to see them again!



The Sorenson Twins

I know I'm late in posting my 28 week update...I just feel like I've been so busy. I really haven't...maybe lazy is a better word! Anyway, Matthew is taking his Sunday nap, so I figured now would be a good time to play catch up! 

 

I went in for my 28 week ultrasound on July 25 and got to see the babies again!

 

Baby B's face

Baby A's profile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Aren't they cute!?

The doctors say that they are doing so good!

Little miss Cupcake (Baby A) is weighing in at 2 lbs 11 oz

and little miss Eap (Baby B) is weighing in at 2 lbs 15 oz!

I don't know if it makes sense for me to be proud of them, but I am! I was so worried about so many things at the start of this pregnancy, and to have them doing so well is such a relief! My blood pressure was okay at 28 weeks, and I now have doctor's orders to not clean my tubs/shower or vacuum. (Isn't that terrible news!) Haha!

Matthew and my mom and aunt have been awesome to help me! I am so grateful to have them. Matthew spent a lot of time yesterday helping me clean the house and then he went out and worked on the stuff in the yard that still needed to be done. He is such a great husband!

 

I keep saying that Baby B is going to be like her daddy. It seems like she is so content all the time. Until the last couple of days, I couldn't feel her moving around near as much as Baby A. Now I feel them both moving around pretty much all the time. Last night I was resting a bowl of ice cream on my stomach (yes, I use my belly as a table sometimes...it's easier than trying to fit at an actual table) and maybe it was too cold for them or something, but they were both kicking at the bowl so hard, I thought they might push it off my belly!

My goal lately has been to capture a video of them kicking and sliding knees or elbows or what have you across my belly, but I haven't been lucky enough to hit record at the right time. Hopefully I can get it on video before they are born.

Anyway, Matthew thinks that Baby B might be more like me because she ALWAYS gets the hiccups. If you know me, you probably know that I will just randomly hiccup - and it's really loud and obnoxious and there is only one. It's really weird. My friends used to tease me and call me a pterodactyl. It's great. So Baby B is always hiccupping, and I don't think I have ever felt Baby A with the hiccups. So who knows!?

Another funny story about Baby B: Aunt Patty took me to a demolition derby where at the end of the derby they had a fireworks show. The first "BOOM" from the fireworks actually scared my little Baby B! I felt her jump so hard! It was so funny!

I just am more and more amazed daily that there are two little babies - two actual little human beings that are going to grow up and have their own personalities, growing inside me! And the closer it gets, the more anxious and excited I get to bring them home. I am still nervous, don't get me wrong, but I think my excitement is starting to outweigh the nerves. I'm sure this will change when it comes time for us to actually bring them home, but for now, I guess I'll just let my excitement grow!

 

 

26 Weeks

I cannot believe that I am already 26 weeks into my pregnancy.

I don't know if it's gone fast, or if it's just crazy to think about -- either way, here we are!

I am so excited to meet these two little babies in just about 10 weeks!!!!!! It sounds so soon, and I feel like they are still going to be so small. Hopefully in 10 weeks they will be big enough and strong enough to come into the world...if not, hopefully I can keep them safe inside my belly until they are big enough and strong enough! Wish me luck! Ha-ha!

 

Well, I don't have anything really exciting to report on this week.

I didn't have a real 26 week ultrasound. I did go see my doctor to talk about my blood pressure and what my risk for preeclampsia is. My blood pressure was actually in the normal range, and my kidneys are apparently functioning almost perfectly. My protein level was a little high, but not quite preeclamptic. (I wasn't sure what preeclampsia was, so for those of you who are interested, it's basically just high blood pressure and poor kidney function. It won't hurt the babies, but if it gets too bad, it could have permanent effects on me. And what is scary for the babies is that if it starts to get too bad for me, they will take the babies early, because the only way to "cure" preeclampsia is to get the placenta out of my body. Thank goodness I am not preeclamptic!) So we'll just keep watching my blood pressure - and hoping and praying all is well! I don't particularly want to take one of those tests again! (Mom, you know which one I'm talking about!)

 

I did get to see the girls at my 25 week appointment (yes, I get to see a doctor once a week for now...and for who knows how long) and they are so cute! It just blows me away every time I see them. It's amazing to see the changes they are making. It looks like they are starting to get some insulation on their little bones! I got a really good view of one of their arms and it was looking pretty rolley polley!

I am so excited to meet them - again - hopefully not too soon!

 

Here I am at 26 weeks:

 

 

I'm not sure I'm much different than I was 2 weeks ago. I sure feel bigger though. The other night I could have SWORN I was almost watching myself stretch!

The babies are getting SO fun to watch and feel! I can seriously SEE them sliding a foot (or maybe and elbow or a knee or something) across my belly. They are just so active - it's like they have dance parties or something. Maybe they are just fighting, but it still feels cool! Baby A (Cupcake) likes to put a lot of pressure on my stomach and there are times when she's pushing so hard I and my belly gets so tight and hard that I'm pretty sure she's poking her little bum out or pushing her head against me. I think that's Matthew's favorite, too when they do that. Like he almost gets to hold one of his baby girls.

 

I think I will get to have another ultrasound in Sanpete this next week, and then I for sure get to have one the next week up in Provo, so I will definitely have a good update for you in 2 weeks.

I love learning how much they weight and getting pictures of them!

 

I guess I really need to get started on getting things together for these two little girls! Matthew put together a plan for the cribs that he is going to build them! I can't wait for him to get started! I know it's going to be a HUGE project and he is so busy right now so hopefully we can get them done. He is so amazing, though! We actually have access to two cribs, so if we need to just use them we can, but he knows how badly I want these cribs (the ones that he is making) so he is going to do his best to get it done for me! I sure love him!

And I am planning on making their bedding so I better get started on that, too!

There is just so much to prepare for and I really am not sure where to start. I feel like I have the big stuff figured out, and my plan is just to see what I get at baby showers - but I feel like I should be way more prepared than that! Two months is going to go by SO fast! I feel like we are going to have two babies here before I know it!

YIKES!!!

I sure hope I can make this work!